Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
