remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sober January is a disaster.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
