At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
last night I used snow as a chaser
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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