they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
