something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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