I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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