i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
