he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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