how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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