I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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