So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
handjob tips. give me some.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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