Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I touched a dick in church today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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