This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
