Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
