She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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