The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
