READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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