Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
