she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
