they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
