I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
