i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
