I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
