why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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