Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
