very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we made out on top of his cat.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
