the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
