I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
