Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
