So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
