I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
