Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
