he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
