Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
