I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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