we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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