That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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