O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I smell stomach acid.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
