Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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