my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
