So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
