Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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