When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize