Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am