i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dating After Heartbreak
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?