We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize