nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.