Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"