i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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