masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
