Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
nutella sex= disaster
either way he was missing a nipple.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
