This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
