3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
