she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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