come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
