It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
