i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
