So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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