my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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