Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
