dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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