i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
