piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watching her eat just hurts me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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