I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
