I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
