guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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