Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize