I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
