I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
