When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
