she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
